Happiness Is Your Gift – Enjoy It!
by Jacquelyne Joens
Lately, there has been a lot of attention focused on a book and film which encourages everyone to think positive. The message is that your positive thoughts will result in only good things coming into your life – those things which you focus your thoughts upon. We are instructed and encouraged to stop focusing on negative things and worries but instead to only think of the positive things that we desire - those gifts that will bring happiness into our lives. If we focus on negative things or worry about events that may be difficult, then (the authors instruct) we will bring those negative things into our lives. In essence, the authors and contributors are teaching that we all have the power to bring into our lives those things that we have been focusing on – both good and bad.
I agree with the premise that it is important to focus on the good things in life, but it is from that point forward where my philosophy of living takes a different direction. I do believe it is important to focus on the good rather than putting all of our energy in thinking bad – worries, anxieties, things beyond our control. But I don’t believe that by focusing on good, we have the power to bring those beautiful things into our lives or that if we focus on the bad we are inviting the bad things to invade our paradise. Instead, I believe beauty and sadness are all around us. It is what we are focused on – what we are looking for – that instead defines our experience. The potential of unbridled happiness is there – everywhere. We need to focus on it to find it – to see it. If we don’t look for it, we won’t ever see it – but it is there all of the time – all around us.
My grandmother seemed to excel at finding the beauty in the world. At the young age of 13, she had to quit school after her 8th grade year, and begin working. Coming from a large Danish immigrant family of 12 children at the beginning of the 1900’s, the sons were the only ones allowed to finish school through 12th grade. If you were a son, you went to school and worked to help provide for the family. If you were a daughter, you didn’t return to school after 8th grade and then went to work as a house girl for a wealthy family in the surrounding area.
For my grandmother, her wealthy family happened to be 50 miles away from her home. For a 13 year-old girl to move in with a strange family 50 miles away is incredible to me. Can you begin to imagine what that must have been like? Without automobile transportation, 50 miles was a very time consuming trip by horse and wagon, and even more lengthy by foot. But, that was expected and that is what my grandmother did.
She didn’t talk much about that time. She never complained about it, but rather reflected on it with a sparkle in her eye. She then would move into the part of her life’s story where she played the “fiddle” with a band for barn dances. That is how she met my grandfather. He was an early 1900’s “groupie.” He followed Grandma from barn dance to barn dance until he finally won her heart. This all happened when she was 18 years-old. She loved to share that story with me. She loved music and she loved Grandpa. It was a beautiful story and I cherish it to this day.
When I was very young, I would spend time at my grandparent’s home. It was on Beed’s Lake in Northern Iowa. It is a small lake, yet it was beautiful in scenery. Houses were all along the northern shoreline – up the hill from the water’s edge. The south side of the lake was a park, camp grounds, swimming area, and a dam. As teenagers we would always take a walk around the lake. Our walks didn’t take up too much time, not much more than an hour or two depending on how many things we needed to stop and see along the way. We always stopped at the dam, though. The water splashing over the rocks as it fell to the stream below was always mesmerizing. There was something quite spiritual about sitting next to the dam and walking around the stream…it was so tranquil….even with the sound of the crashing water.
Grandma and Grandpa’s home was on the northern shore of the lake. The house was up the hill about 200 yards from the shore. I would sit for hours on the dock, just listening, watching, and taking in all that was there. The yard was full of trees and my grandparents had landscaped their yard as a retreat for birds of all kinds. Grandma used to take me out with her while she tended to her many rose bushes and other flowers. We would talk about the plants and would watch for song birds. It was there that I saw my first cardinal. It was beautiful with its red feathers. It took my breath away. Grandma taught me about many of the birds that came to feast at the feeders Grandpa tended to every day. We would also sit on their porch and just listen and watch. It was beautiful. It was a wonderful place to visit – I felt loved and so close to beauty. Some of my happiest memories were inspired by my time at Beed’s Lake – Grandma’s and Grandpa’s lovely home.
Grandma never really sat me down to talk with me about looking for beauty. She never told me how it was all around and I just had to keep my eyes open and my heart ready to embrace it all. No, this was never part of our discussions. (Actually, she loved to talk about politics. We discussed almost every election and all who were running – this was about the only television she watched.) Instead, we would be talking about something else when she would interrupt with a quiet, “shhhh…listen/look!” Then she would point out a deer, a bird, a piece of music playing, a colorful sunrise, a child’s laughter, a twinkling star, all of those beautiful things that were surrounding us. Just by living and being present with me, she taught me how to see the beauty all around me. I watched her and was with her – I learned how to find my happiness – it surrounded me everywhere.
This lesson was really driven home to me when she moved into a nursing care facility. It was an old mansion that had been added on to and refurbished. The main mansion housed the parlor and dining room. My aunt, who was the administrator of the home, had worked feverishly to restore the beautiful mansion that once was a home for a very wealthy family. The parlor was finished in period pieces and it was beautiful in every way. It was here one day, where Grandma and I had retreated for an afternoon visit. We were visiting about the recent presidential candidates when she stopped mid-sentence and quietly shook her head from side to side. She said, “Oh Jackie! I sometimes wonder what I ever did to deserve to live in such a beautiful place like this!”
I was overwhelmed with emotions. I had heard so many elderly people complaining about having to live in a care facility and there were people in that very room who were obviously depressed and sitting in grief. I was sitting with an old woman who was overcome with the beauty that was surrounding her. She saw past her walker and the strain her heart experienced. She saw past her wrinkled skin and deteriorating body to all the beauty that surrounded her. She was in the moment, thankful for all her eyes took in – she was genuinely happy.
As a music lover, my grandma was always encouraging us to sing or play instruments. Not to excel in talent or brilliance, but rather to enjoy the moment of song. When the family got together, we always played and sang. She would sit quietly in a chair off to the side. Her eyes would sparkle and her lips formed a gentle smile. I could see how much joy this music brought to her and her heart. She loved every minute – good harmony or bad – it didn’t matter to her. She enjoyed the beauty of her family making music together.
As my grandma rested on the hospital bed after her stroke – when she was unable to speak or communicate with us, I wanted to do something for her – other than just sitting by her bedside. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her in a way that I knew would touch her heart and bring her peace. So, I sang to her. My aunt found a hymnal in the hospital’s chapel and I sang hymn after hymn. I sang softly to her while holding her hand. I felt her light squeeze every now and then and could tell by the look in her eyes that she was happy. This was one of the most happiest times of my life. I knew she was feeling happiness and love. I knew I was sharing with her just a bit of what she had always given me. It wasn’t soon after that Grandma joined Grandpa in Heaven. I look back on those few hours and know that Grandma heard the beauty that surrounded her in that hospital room. She was still looking for the beauty – knowing it was there – wanting to be happy.
My grandma is my hero. She taught me one of the most important lessons of my life – to look and enjoy the beauty that is there in the world. You see, happiness is a choice. We can look for all that is beautiful and then sit back and enjoy the contentment and happiness that it brings our way. Or, we can focus on the strains and struggles of our daily lives – not enjoying all that has been gifted to us…missing out on all that would bring us happiness and joy.
To live responsibly, you cannot ignore your struggles and pain. That is not only irresponsible but it isn’t healthy. You need to work through these things in order to grow as a person. But, even in the times of trial and hurt, there is beauty surrounding you – if you are just willing to look for it. What lessons can be learned? What richness is experienced that you may have missed if you weren’t awakened by the struggle? How are you, as a person, better today than you were yesterday? All of these lessons bring beauty and can fill your heart with contentment. You can’t (nor should you) ignore the pain. You just need to remember not to only focus on it. You need to look beyond it – putting it into proper perspective. Bad things happen, but even in the midst of your struggles you can find beauty. You just need to be open to accepting it – allowing yourself to enjoy it. It is there and surrounds you – all you need do is to open your heart and mind to receiving it. Allow yourself to receive the happiness that is there – all around you – embrace what is yours! Happiness is your gift – enjoy it!
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