New Year, Same Love: How to Assess Your Connection in 2020

A new year is here! Which means new goals and fresh perspectives—including your romantic relationship. Whether you’re married or dating, a refresh is probably in order.

Assessing your connection and commitment to growing your relationship is often an uncomfortable but important task. Taking time to talk and intentionally make a renewed commitment to each other can be a way to enhance your life together.

While you’re busy writing down your personal goals for the year, use the following worksheet to reflect on your relationship and set intentions for the upcoming months.

Indicate your perception of where you are as a couple in the following dimensions. Place an X on the line to designate your perception. Using your answers, make a plan to address the areas that are lacking and continue building upon those that are strong.

  1. The spiritual dimension of our relationship is…

         ___________________________________________________________________

         LACKING                                                                                   SATISFYING

 

  1.  The emotional dimension of our relationship is…

         ____________________________________________________________________

         LACKING                                                                                   SATISFYING

 

  1. The physical dimension of our relationship is…

        _____________________________________________________________________

         LACKING                                                                                   SATISFYING

 

  1. The recreational dimension of our relationship is…

         _____________________________________________________________________

         LACKING                                                                                   SATISFYING

 

  1. The intellectual dimension of our relationship is…

        ______________________________________________________________________

      LACKING                                                                                   SATISFYING

 

  1. The social dimension of our relationship is…

        ______________________________________________________________________

      LACKING                                                                                   SATISFYING

 

  1. The friendship dimension of our relationship is…

        ______________________________________________________________________

      LACKING                                                                                   SATISFYING

 

Both you and your partner should answer each dimension separately, but be willing to share once complete. It’s important you’re open and honest when sharing and willing to understand the other’s perception. This is a basis for determining what you may desire to work on and improve.

Closeness and connection don’t just happen. Flourishing requires time, attention, and nourishment.

Though every relationship is different, here are a few ways to improve each dimension. These are just ideas—be sure to tailor them to your unique situation.

Spiritual

  • Join a Bible study together and commit to weekly attendance.
  • Keep a prayer list and pray together each night.

Emotional

  • Make your bedroom a “phone-free zone” and spend 30 minutes before bed talking instead of scrolling.
  • Read a book together and discuss your thoughts after each section.

Physical

  • Don’t skimp the small things! Like a hug every morning and night, holding your partner’s hand, opening their door, and soft kisses on the cheek.
  • Cuddle: when watching movies, when reading, before bed, anytime you can.

Recreational

  • Create an “adventure list” and tick one fun thing off a month.
  • Join a gym or sports club together.

Intellectual

  • Ask questions and seek your partner’s opinion about current events, books, hot topics, and everything in between. You might be surprised what you learn.
  • Take an online class together.

Social

  • Set up date nights with close friends, couples from church, or your neighbors. Try to schedule one group date a month.
  • Get out of the house! Make a true effort to leave the house together every single weekend.

Friendship

  • Listen. Truly listen when your partner speaks and validate their thoughts and feelings.
  • Be their biggest advocate. Friends care about what their friends do, what they’re feeling, what their dreams are, etc. Make sure your partner knows you’re their best friend and biggest advocate.

Over the coming months, we’ll talk about ways to create intentional goals for improvement this year, so be sure to stop by again. Ready to take it one step further? Make an appointment with a counselor to talk about what you can do to make 2020 your best year yet.